I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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