I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
