im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
