You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
