if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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