Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
