she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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