90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am midnight drunk by noon
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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