i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
