next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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