Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
