i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
