I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
