i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
love makes seman taste better
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize