It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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