why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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