My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
