Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't deserve a penis
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
