We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
