Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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