I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
