My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
