Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
