stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
