We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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