Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
