i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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