The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope mine doesn't look like that
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
