Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
