I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
