those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
