Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
