Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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