the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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