Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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