I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
