I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize