You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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