my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
