yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
