I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
