rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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