Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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