he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
