I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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