one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My feet surprised me
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