I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
