were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
