my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
