I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
