Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
