I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize