I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
