so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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