yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize