I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
