Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
