upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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