beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
