My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize