we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
