so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
