this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize