She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
