I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
