My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize