its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
