There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
