What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
