I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
