He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Randomize
