i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found your dick twin last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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