I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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