just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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