the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize