So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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