I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
