So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
