Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
