Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Barsexuality is the new black.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
