He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I want a musical about memes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
