Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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