I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
