he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
