Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
