I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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