just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
