people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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