you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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