I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
