i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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