whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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